Toxic relationships or how to recognise them

toxic

adjective
tox·​ic | \ˈtäk-sik 
 \
Definition of toxic 
1: containing or being poisonous material especially when capable of causing death or serious debilitationtoxic wastea toxic radioactive gasan insecticide highly toxic to birds
2: exhibiting symptoms of infection or toxicosis the patient became toxic two days later
3: extremely harsh, malicious, or harmfultoxic sarcasm
4: relating to or being an asset that has lost so much value that it cannot be sold on the market

Toxic – lately it’s extremely popular to hear about toxic food, toxic relationships, toxic working environment and toxic people.

Do you know how to recognise it?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary is very helpful with the definition of the noun toxic, but when it comes to relationships, it’s a little harder to spot it. I’ll share some of my knowledge of toxic people and relationships (since I’ve seen almost all).

Last year was a year of breakthroughs . I’ve ended some not-so-healthy relationships and some of them left on their own (with a lot of dramatic finger-showing). But not all toxic relationships start as toxic. Some of them start as something wonderful, supporting and then life happens, people change (or just drop the masks) or you change (don’t let them walk all over you anymore). Sometimes it’s a combination of everything, but mostly it’s bad communication skills and weak boundaries.

How do we recognise them?

Toxic relationships can be between coworkers, couples and friends (and everything in between). Because I’ve met them in a lot of different scenarios, I’ve developed an eight sense for them and decided to share a few tips, how to recognise toxic people:

1. Drama, drama, drama!

They’re like a drama magnet. The most amazing/unbelievable things happen to them. Kaos and drama surround them and they’re never a culprit for it.

2. The world spins around them

They have to be in the centre of attention at all times. It’s typical for them to “listen” to you, just so they can talk again and listen to their own voice. What about you? You’re a side figure. They have to be the centre of every conversation or they quickly change topic.

3. They love gossiping (about you).

4. Critique is their mother tongue.

Nothing you do is good enough. All you achievements are irrelevant (they could do it faster and better). They never compliment or support you.

5.  They’re the one-upper and you feel like they’re competing with you.

6. They lie.

You catch them on little lies or you maybe never catch them lying, but things don’t add up. If you ask them about it, they come up with another incredible story.

7. They’re extremely needy and clingy

If you’re lucky you get a new “girlfriend/boyfriend” as they are extremely needy and clingy. They need constant attention, the messages need to be replied in the same second you get them and if you don’t, you’ll have some explaining to do.

8. It’s never their fault.

The problem is with everybody else and not them, they do no wrong and are always the victim.

9. They have nothing nice to say about anyone.

10. They’re great at manipulating you.

And always get their way, even if they have to pressure you into it.

11. They only care about themselves.

It’s a pretty one-street relationship, where you put all the effort in. When you need something from them, they are not available.

12. They criticize you constantly

You can’t seem to do anything right by them.

13. They drain you.

Whenever you hang out with them, you leave feeling drained and dreading the next time.

Does it ring a bell? Next time I’ll share with you what to do if you find yourself in the middle of a toxic relationship.

P.S. Remember that no relationship is black or white and it’s important to evaluate how much you give and how much you get.

Next time more about what to do, if you’re in a toxic relationship.

Till next time,
Helena

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